Dear Sister

When I was six years old, my sister was born prematurely. From the bits and pieces of conversation between the adults that I can remember, I think my mother's uterus ruptured. My mother nearly died, but eventually, after many months, she recovered. My sister didn't make it.

I was very sad about my sister dying. I got to know her while she was in my mother's womb. I was waiting with much anticipation for her to be born. I loved my sister and couldn't wait to see her, to touch her, to be her big sister. But, she died. I remember at her funeral, when I saw her tiny body in the casket, that I was perplexed at how someone could die when they were only just born. I remember feeling that if I had done things differently, my sister would have lived. As an adult, I now know that there is nothing anyone could have done to save my sister's life. However, I carried that feeling of guilt and the sorrow of my sister's death all of my life.

Last year, while being entrained by our chiropractor, I had a vision of my sister, Kimberly (Anne being her middle name, like my mother's middle name). In my vision, Kimberly was a grown woman, in her mid to late twenties. She was beautiful, radiant, so full of life, peaceful, yet full of energy. Souls in Heaven do not have their bodies, but I believe I saw Kimberly as she will be in the New Heavens and the New Earth when she receives her body again. I knew it was my sister because she looked like my brother, who looks like my grandfather on my father's side - blond hair, blue eyes - crystal blue, sparkling eyes, strong jaw, but her jaw was softer yet distinctly Cole. I also knew it was her because she was my sister. I recognize my sister like anyone would recognize their sister in this world.

My sister spoke to me, yet no words came out of her mouth. Even though she did not speak with her mouth, I heard her voice and the words she spoke. Most of the time, she communicated through words, but there were also things I understood, things I just knew without her saying anything. One of those things was the understanding that her death was not my fault - I had not failed her. On the contrary, she knew how much I loved her and that, in turn, gave her joy and love for me. The other thing was her happiness. She is not suffering. There is no need for me to worry about her. She is filled with peace, purpose, and life. She is busy. She has lots of work. She is consumed with work, but work does not consume her because it's the desire to do her work that consumes her, not the pressure to get the job done. She has a complete pouring out of self that does her no harm, but rather gives her much happiness. She is filled with happiness, yet she peacefully and eagerly waits for the time that we will be together. It's not that she longs for me and is sad by my absence in Heaven - she is always with me. What she is waiting for is my participation in the same kind of life. She is waiting for me to have the life she has, living and working in the presence of The Lamb.

When she spoke to me, she asked me to let her go. I was very sad at the thought of letting her go, yet I was at peace. I cried and cried and told her how difficult it was for me to let her go because I loved her and missed her so much. She patiently and loving smiled at me and continued to hold my hands. My vision started with my hands in hers. I hadn't realized this until she let my hands go. She let them go because she could no longer stay and talk - she was being called to do other work. This doesn't mean she has left me. She is still with me and will always be with me. Still, seeing her walk away to do her work was difficult. Still, I had much joy. Sadness and joy - how can they exist at the same time? Yet, they did and still do. Sadness a little less and joy a little more.

I believe this message from my sister is meant for everyone. I pray that everyone who reads this post will be blessed with healing from the loss of someone they love. I pray for healing for all who have lost someone they love whether or not they read this post. We are all so different. The healing path for one person isn't always the path of healing for another. Healing happens over time according to our readiness to receive it. There isn't much we can do to hurry the process of being ready, except to pray and ask for it. I have a worry that some who read this post about 'receiving healing according to our readiness to receive it' will feel failure in not doing enough or not being enough of a good person to make themselves ready. But, I don't think it works that way. We are ready when we are ready. Be at peace. Ask for help if you need it. Pray to those in your life who have died. Ask them for help. Ask them for favors. Pray to our Dear Lord. Ask him to keep you close to Him, to sustain you on your journey. Our Lord loves you. He wants you to be healed. He will do it in a way that is best for you. Trust Him. He loves you!

God's peace and blessings be yours today and always.